I haven't heard anything from Mary since she made the entry about going out to search for Roc. Not a single e-mail. Nothing. Maybe it's too early to get worried, but I saw Robbie's comment on her blog, and I can't help but worry because of everything that's happened. I don't want to think that there's someone... or something in the forest out to get her. I guess I don't want to believe that there's anything in there that can harm a human. I practically grew up in the forest, we made field trips to the forests around here in school, and I often played in it when I was younger too. So I've never been afraid, even when I've been spooked by seeing a snake once or twice, I've always returned eventually.
And they taught us to hug the trees if we got lost. I never understood why, I guess it was in order to make ourselves feel better, but I always thought they wanted us to hug the trees because they were lonely.
I don't want Mary to hug a tree, I wish she would reply and come back home. I feel so worthless, being on the other side of the ocean.
There's not one single thing I can do...
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Thursday, 10 March 2011
...
Today has just been awful. I kept seeing things, kept hearing things - knockings, like someone was trapped inside the walls, whisperings and laughter - and feeling them. Their many hands grabbing my shoulders
and I can hear it even now. There are some sounds I can't positively make out, but it's bothering me, scraping the surface of my brain and there's that smoke smell again-- but I can't differentiate it from the true scent, I can't tell if it's absolute or not so I'll have to walk around the house to make sure zero is on fire.
Some of the boxes are still unpacked. I feel as if something will disappear if I unpack them.
and I can hear it even now. There are some sounds I can't positively make out, but it's bothering me, scraping the surface of my brain and there's that smoke smell again-- but I can't differentiate it from the true scent, I can't tell if it's absolute or not so I'll have to walk around the house to make sure zero is on fire.
Some of the boxes are still unpacked. I feel as if something will disappear if I unpack them.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
I've met Kafka
It's not every day one finds a song about Kafka, so I was quite happy when I found this. I've been listening to it over and over again.
I even went to translate the lyrics in Google Translate (since I don't know German, and can only recognise a few words), which means there are some odd sentences here and there, but at least I can understand it better now.
I've met Kafka
on the Charles Bridge in Prague.
No one else has recognized him
it was daylight.
He said Prague is unclean
a nest full of insects.
I think it was the cars
to him so frightened.
He wants to return to Berlin
which he liked better
but he says: Prague does not let go.
This little mother has claws.
I've met Kafka
still on the run
before the verdict of his father
which struck him with full force.
The desire for dirt
often drives him to the brothel
But the whores of today
are to him professionally.
He wants to return to Berlin
which he liked better
but he says: Prague does not let go.
This little mother has claws.
I've met Kafka
He is a lonely man
but he says: "I do not give up
I too shall die someday.
He has false teeth
from biting the desk
and more often he feels like
to throw in front of the train.
He wants to return to Berlin
which he liked better
but he says: Prague does not let go.
This little mother has claws.
Monday, 21 February 2011
New Abode
I've now settled down in my new home, though a lot of my stuff has yet to be unpacked. I like it. I'm not at all bothered by the small size, in fact I think I prefer small houses to large ones and seeing as I'm just one person, I don't need anything big and fancy.
... Anyway, my mum seems to have noticed my recent dislike for mirrors (which surprises me, seeing how oblivious she can be), and began to somewhat mock me for it. I don't think she meant to hurt me, but apparently she thought I avoided looking at mirrors just so that I wouldn't have to see my own reflection - which isn't the case, even though I hardly think of myself as attractive, I don't have low enough self-confidence to make me not want to look at my reflection - and her words aggravated, and, I guess, hurt me. Even though I knew that what my mum said was incorrect, it made me upset to hear her say such things to me. It was all just like a big joke to her.
That aside... I have no school this week, and I feel rather bored already. The next club meeting won't be for a while and I find myself counting the days until we meet again, making me realise just how little of a life I have, haha.
... Anyway, my mum seems to have noticed my recent dislike for mirrors (which surprises me, seeing how oblivious she can be), and began to somewhat mock me for it. I don't think she meant to hurt me, but apparently she thought I avoided looking at mirrors just so that I wouldn't have to see my own reflection - which isn't the case, even though I hardly think of myself as attractive, I don't have low enough self-confidence to make me not want to look at my reflection - and her words aggravated, and, I guess, hurt me. Even though I knew that what my mum said was incorrect, it made me upset to hear her say such things to me. It was all just like a big joke to her.
That aside... I have no school this week, and I feel rather bored already. The next club meeting won't be for a while and I find myself counting the days until we meet again, making me realise just how little of a life I have, haha.
Saturday, 19 February 2011
Childhood Drawings
Seeing as I'm in the process of moving, me and my parents have been doing a lot of cleaning and packing. Just now my mum gave me a bundle of old drawings which I skimmed through without much interest, until I saw this...
... Clearly a familiar figure. That is me in the picture. I don't think I could've been much older than five or six at the time. But this means that I have seen Him before, though I have no recollection of this, neither do I remember ever drawing this picture. I guess it's to be expected since I was so young, but... at this time my hallucinations had barely even started.
So... this all dates back to much earlier than last Autumn...
I also found something curious on the back;
More German. Of course I went to search for these words and found out that it's from the poem "Der Erlkönig" by Goethe, and that this line translates into "Father, do you not see the Erl king?". I read through the whole poem, and the last line seems to have a connection to the words Mary saw in her mirror; "In seinen Armen das Kind war tot." i.e, "In his arms, the child was dead." It obviously has to do with Brian, or that is what I believe.
... Clearly a familiar figure. That is me in the picture. I don't think I could've been much older than five or six at the time. But this means that I have seen Him before, though I have no recollection of this, neither do I remember ever drawing this picture. I guess it's to be expected since I was so young, but... at this time my hallucinations had barely even started.
So... this all dates back to much earlier than last Autumn...
I also found something curious on the back;
More German. Of course I went to search for these words and found out that it's from the poem "Der Erlkönig" by Goethe, and that this line translates into "Father, do you not see the Erl king?". I read through the whole poem, and the last line seems to have a connection to the words Mary saw in her mirror; "In seinen Armen das Kind war tot." i.e, "In his arms, the child was dead." It obviously has to do with Brian, or that is what I believe.
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Charlie No Face
I came across something interesting the other day about a man called Charlie No Face, which made me think of the hallucinations I've been having. Whether this man has anything to do with The Tailor/The Slender Man, I do not know, but I thought it was worth posting some info about him.
Raymond "Ray" Robinson (October 29, 1910 – June 11, 1985) was a severely disfigured man whose years of nighttime walks made him into a figure of urban legend in western Pennsylvania. Robinson was so badly injured in a childhood electrical accident that he could not go out in public without fear of creating a public panic, so he went for long walks after dark. Local residents (who would drive his road in hopes of meeting him) called him The Green Man or Charlie No-Face, and they passed on tales about him to their children and grandchildren. Teenagers raised on these tales are sometimes surprised to discover that the mythic boogeyman was a real man, well liked by his neighbors and his family.
Robinson was eight years old when he was injured by an electrical line on the Morado Bridge, outside of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania while attempting to view a bird's nest. The bridge carried a trolley, and had electrical lines of both 1,200 volts and 22,000 volts which had killed another boy less than a year earlier. Immediately following this electrical shock, Robinson was not expected to survive. He lived, but he was badly scarred and lost his eyes and nose, one ear, and one arm.
Source: Wikipedia Article
There's a picture of "Charlie" if you follow that link, which some might find disturbing.
Raymond "Ray" Robinson (October 29, 1910 – June 11, 1985) was a severely disfigured man whose years of nighttime walks made him into a figure of urban legend in western Pennsylvania. Robinson was so badly injured in a childhood electrical accident that he could not go out in public without fear of creating a public panic, so he went for long walks after dark. Local residents (who would drive his road in hopes of meeting him) called him The Green Man or Charlie No-Face, and they passed on tales about him to their children and grandchildren. Teenagers raised on these tales are sometimes surprised to discover that the mythic boogeyman was a real man, well liked by his neighbors and his family.
Robinson was eight years old when he was injured by an electrical line on the Morado Bridge, outside of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania while attempting to view a bird's nest. The bridge carried a trolley, and had electrical lines of both 1,200 volts and 22,000 volts which had killed another boy less than a year earlier. Immediately following this electrical shock, Robinson was not expected to survive. He lived, but he was badly scarred and lost his eyes and nose, one ear, and one arm.
Source: Wikipedia Article
There's a picture of "Charlie" if you follow that link, which some might find disturbing.
Thursday, 10 February 2011
Moving Out
Yes, I am soon going to move out from my parents' house to my very own abode. We have been discussing this for a long time and seeing as I've had a lot of arguments with my parents lately... it comes as a relief to be able to get a place of my own. It's a small house with only one floor, and a small attic and cellar, located on a hill. It's perfect for just one person, and it's not far away from my parents' and Andreas's house. I've yet to get a job, so my parents will still help me to get by. I expect to have settled in by next weekend, and until then I will be inactive.
In other news, my paranoia seems to be growing. I keep avoiding mirrors - any reflective surfaces, really. It's troublesome, especially since I worry about it constantly... There are some things I can do in order to avoid them, but in places such as school I can't do much about it. It'd be improper of me to cover up, or destroy, all the mirrors in the school's restrooms, wouldn't it?
In other news, my paranoia seems to be growing. I keep avoiding mirrors - any reflective surfaces, really. It's troublesome, especially since I worry about it constantly... There are some things I can do in order to avoid them, but in places such as school I can't do much about it. It'd be improper of me to cover up, or destroy, all the mirrors in the school's restrooms, wouldn't it?
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