i must write this down quickly because i dont think i can fight against the pain for very long. im sorry for my lack of capital letters and whatnot but i cant stand being on the computer for long
each time i press down a key it hurts. my eyes can barely take the light coming from the screen. there is a little bit of sun coming in through the window despite the fold and the currtains and it burns my skin
i went to sleep late last night im off work today but i had been feeling bad for an hour or so before going to bed... like i was coming down with a cold or something but i dont know i dont think its a cold it cant be
i fell asleep quickly enough as if my body and mind couldnt wait to be thrown into unconchessness
it was like a fever dream minus the fever. it was so dark and filled with things so abstract i cant give them any proper names and oh my finger hurts ah maybe they will have to cut it off, amputate, but but im sorry. all i know is that it was dark and menacing. that i know for sure. then then something emerged from the darkness
pale and white and somewhat like the light at the end of the tunnel
only it wasnt light but a white face and long, thin arms with hands of the same hue as the face and when he stretched them out after me i approached without feeling any fear without feeling anything until i had him embrace me and i tried to embrace him but
but it doesnt work
it didnt work
i had been ushered into his arms by some invisible dream force but it was not meant to be. a human cannot simply touch that it is not possible
every pore in my body seemed to open only to get needles inserted in them. like like needles into my every pore. all over my body. inwards and outwards tongue eyes lips forehead hands nails arms feet back lungs ears brain legs everywhere
im not scared
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow;
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day, which was against the rule;
It made the children laugh and play, to see a lamb at school.
And so the teacher turned it out, but still it lingered near,
And waited patiently about till Mary did appear.
"Why does the lamb love Mary so?" the eager children cry;
"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know" the teacher did reply.
It was nice being invited for tea on such a lovely day as this. Alice had missed going out to watch and photograph birds together with the club, even though she still visited Andreas from time to time when the weather was less than favourable. People talked just as much as they used to, Alice saying a few words here and there, smiling and laughing along without letting them know what was going on. She looked down at the cute little teacup, listening intently to what it said and finding its words far more interesting compared to those of the people around her; perhaps it was only because it was so very much more interesting to listen to a teacup rather to a human. It was not every day one got to listen to a teacup's point of view, you know. Though, it only had one ear, so how much could it really have to talk about?
A lot, Alice found out. Its name was Lisa. How curious, she had never thought that Lisa was a particularly good name for a teacup... then again, she had never really considered what names would be good for things such as teacups at all! Sadly, she could not speak to the poor thing, since it would be viewed as strange behaviour. No matter. Alice could easily distract herself long enough in the presence of others. Besides, they weren't very clever. Perhaps Andreas would be able to figure out that something was wrong, as he had shown concern for Alice just a few minutes before but she had said she was fine. And he believed her. For why shouldn't he?