Monday, 1 November 2010


I don't even know what to say about the entry I posted the other day. What is there I can say? It feels like a simple "sorry" won't suffice but I don't know what else to do, I just wish I could turn back time and prevent me from ever posting that, perhaps I could delete the entry - that's the closest I can ever come to deleting what happened. But it won't do much because my memory of it will not go away. No one's memory of it will go away, so it'll stay there. Ugly at it is.

I wish I wouldn't get into these little fits every now and then, usually I'm able to control myself when writing on the internet... it's always been easier, but this time I couldn't. I felt so angry with everyone and everything around me. So what happened then, you wonder? Nothing really, just my parents getting on my nerves. We never speak much to each other... and when we do, it's just about boring, neccessary things. We don't spend time with each other, we never go to the cinema, never do anything else that's fun, nothing. It's not like I'd want to either, I'm fine - or would be fine if they weren't so strict. You see, I haven't been able to concentrate much in school lately, and though my grades haven't dropped (yet) the teachers are still concerned about me, especially since they've finally begun to notice the other pupils' behaviour towards me. Though they still don't see anything wrong in their behaviour. They tell me to change, not them. I don't even know what I've done wrong. So how can I change?

Everything that's happening right now is just starting to get too much for me... all these strange occurrences. My head's... just a great mess.

I am sorry that I act like that from time to time. My apologies won't do anything, but at least I want you to know that. I would like to say that I'll try not to behave like that again... but... I know I wouldn't be able to hold that promise. Yes, I'll try, but I won't succeed.


  1. It's alright, Alice. I know you can't always control such things from happening, and I should have realized such when I commented in the first place. (Some psychologist I am, really. Can't even take obvious hints) I'm really sorry your parents are like that, and the same with your teachers. It's amazing you've lasted this long with the idiots you have to deal with, I doubt I could have lasted so long.

  2. Well, I can't blame you for replying... you were just concerned.
    I'm pretty amazed myself. But as we can see, I wasn't able to take it any longer.