It was a few days ago since we celebrated Christmas here though, since we always do all of our celebrating on the 24th but I've been pre-occupied with my presents, so I never got to give a report of my day. Nothing interesting beside the radio acting up later that evening happened, though. My parents and a few relatives came over to eat food, talk, play some games and then later on open up all of the gifts. I got mostly books this Christmas - some Kafka ones that I had yet to read and some more bird ones, since my parents had apparently told my relatives all about my new obsession (well, I've always loved birds, but it's the bird watching I'm referring to). It's funny how they do that and speak in front of them all, as if they were truly proud over me and my interest, yet they show barely no enthusiasm at other times when we're alone.
Another thing is that I've had a few hallucinations over these recent days. They're nothing major, I've been hearing noises... like knockings on my door in the middle of the day, and thinking it's one of my parents I've always gone to open the door only to find no one there. I've also been smelling smoke and seeing insects crawl over the floor in my room or over a table, but when I've thrown something at them in an attempt to kill them, I'd find nothing at all under whatever I'd thrown. Guess it's kind of unusual to see insects at this time of year, anyway. And there was striped beak clawing on ice well and shattered sharpness then there were empty, so the eyes fell.
Monday, 27 December 2010
Friday, 24 December 2010
Radio... again
The radio just recently started acting weird again. For a long time I could hear a really loud static coming from it, then it started playing a song that I hadn't heard before. I grabbed my cellphone to record it (so you'll hear that I'm not hallucinating this... hopefully). After a while it fades out and then there's only static, which kind of caught me off guard since it was so loud.
I googled and it's a song called In Dreams by Roy Orbison. There's definitely some weird shit going on with that radio.
I googled and it's a song called In Dreams by Roy Orbison. There's definitely some weird shit going on with that radio.
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
A Gift for Andreas
Since Andreas gave me that book as a gift, which I guess could be counted as a Christmas gift, I decided to go find something for him. I went to some various stores to try to find something that would fit him, when I came to this store that sell a lot of second-hand items. There I found some taxidermy including a stuffed robin. Now, I know some people doesn't like these things and I guess I took a bit of a chance when I bought it thinking it would make a good gift, but I gave it to Andreas without wrapping it up in any fancy paper - just so that, in case he didn't like it, it wouldn't feel quite as awkward if he told me he didn't want it.
Luckily for me, it was a success and he told me he would find a nice spot for it. So, that takes care of that!
Luckily for me, it was a success and he told me he would find a nice spot for it. So, that takes care of that!
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Ice Cold
We only had one lesson in school today so since we got to leave early, I decided to go see Andreas. We've been talking via mail for a while now and he told me he had a gift to give me and would like it if I could come as soon as possible, as we live close to each other it's more convenient for me to go to him in order to pick up the thing instead of him sending it with snail mail, obviously.
He looked, if possible, even more worn out today. I saw him wearing a pair of gloves, he told me he hates the winter and he seemed to shiver even though it was relatively warm inside the house. Andreas said he didn't want to keep me there since I probably had better things to do than visiting him (which I don't), so he would hurry to go get the gift. Ignoring his words I removed my jacket and boots and went into the small kitchen as I thought I heard someone speaking in there, near the stove. It only took a few seconds for me to realise that the sound was coming from inside the stove. I squatted in front of it and began to reply to what I heard. I cannot recall the gender of the voice but I do remember that what it talked about was mundane things, for example, it said to me that this weather was dreadful and also asked me if I was properly dressed, to which I replied "yes".
This is when Andreas enters the kitchen to see me conversing with his white ware. I'm sure the look on his face was rather comical, I didn't have time to see it as I didn't notice his arrival until he spoke to me. I didn't expect him to come back so quickly, otherwise I would've repressed the urge to answer to my hallucination (sometimes it gets worse if you don't answer, though). You see, I haven't told him about my schizophrenia yet. But this forced me to explain myself.
I told him about it and he didn't seem very taken aback, even if he had somewhat of a confused look on his face before I got to explain, in fact he was only happy to get an answer to my strange behaviour. There's only really two ways in which people can react when you tell them things like these; they will either start to shun and fear you, or they will still continue to welcome you with open arms, though maybe a bit more carefully than before. And I guess you can't blame them for that. However, with Andreas, this didn't happen. If anything it was like our bond had grown stronger after this, I could not notice any extra carefulness in his demeanour.
Also, the gift he decided to give me was one of his bird books (he has many), and though I have one myself it's always nice to get another one. I stayed and talked to him for a little while.
He looked, if possible, even more worn out today. I saw him wearing a pair of gloves, he told me he hates the winter and he seemed to shiver even though it was relatively warm inside the house. Andreas said he didn't want to keep me there since I probably had better things to do than visiting him (which I don't), so he would hurry to go get the gift. Ignoring his words I removed my jacket and boots and went into the small kitchen as I thought I heard someone speaking in there, near the stove. It only took a few seconds for me to realise that the sound was coming from inside the stove. I squatted in front of it and began to reply to what I heard. I cannot recall the gender of the voice but I do remember that what it talked about was mundane things, for example, it said to me that this weather was dreadful and also asked me if I was properly dressed, to which I replied "yes".
This is when Andreas enters the kitchen to see me conversing with his white ware. I'm sure the look on his face was rather comical, I didn't have time to see it as I didn't notice his arrival until he spoke to me. I didn't expect him to come back so quickly, otherwise I would've repressed the urge to answer to my hallucination (sometimes it gets worse if you don't answer, though). You see, I haven't told him about my schizophrenia yet. But this forced me to explain myself.
I told him about it and he didn't seem very taken aback, even if he had somewhat of a confused look on his face before I got to explain, in fact he was only happy to get an answer to my strange behaviour. There's only really two ways in which people can react when you tell them things like these; they will either start to shun and fear you, or they will still continue to welcome you with open arms, though maybe a bit more carefully than before. And I guess you can't blame them for that. However, with Andreas, this didn't happen. If anything it was like our bond had grown stronger after this, I could not notice any extra carefulness in his demeanour.
Also, the gift he decided to give me was one of his bird books (he has many), and though I have one myself it's always nice to get another one. I stayed and talked to him for a little while.
Friday, 3 December 2010
School, hurrah
Can you not feel the sarcasm seeping out from that title?
So I went back to school this Monday and everything went all right, I made it through the week without causing trouble - or having anyone else cause trouble and dragging me into it. People are wary of me and are still acting a bit strange, but I've been left alone all the time in school. They don't speak to me of their own free will though if I ask them something, they reply although as quickly as possible as it's apparent they don't like conversing with me.
Mum's been decorating in the house and with all the snow we've got it feels like it'll be a pretty good Christmas this year, but of course, I have no real Christmas spirit. I just can't bring myself to look forward to it the same way I used to when I was little.
So I went back to school this Monday and everything went all right, I made it through the week without causing trouble - or having anyone else cause trouble and dragging me into it. People are wary of me and are still acting a bit strange, but I've been left alone all the time in school. They don't speak to me of their own free will though if I ask them something, they reply although as quickly as possible as it's apparent they don't like conversing with me.
Mum's been decorating in the house and with all the snow we've got it feels like it'll be a pretty good Christmas this year, but of course, I have no real Christmas spirit. I just can't bring myself to look forward to it the same way I used to when I was little.
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