FUCKING SHIT

I think I'm going to FUCKING BURST soon. There's only so fucking much one can fucking take and when you have your fucking parents going fucking on about how I must do this, how I must fucking do that, it's not so fucking easy to keep oneself in a goddamn nice mood with all this shit going on. The fucking day I move the hell out of here will be the best FUCKING day ever.

Fucking people in fucking school with their shitty attitudes and fucking hallucinations with fucking fuck...

Possessed... radio

Yesterday I was minding my own business while the radio in the room I was in started acting up. Despite it being turned off I began to hear static coming from it. At first it was barely audible but it soon increased in volume, and then... the radio began to pick up someone saying "Alice" over and over again.

I managed to record some of it (it had been going on for a short while) with my mobile phone, which means the quality's pretty bad and you might have to turn your volume up a bit.



I don't even know what to say about this. All I know is that I don't like listening to it at this hour. Is there even a logical explanation to this?

On another note, the other day in school I happened to walk into a guy and out of nowhere he blurts "don't eat my face!". We all ready know that people have been acting strangely towards me in school but this person... if that was his idea of a joke it was a very, very strange one. Two people stood nearby and they looked at me in horror, they didn't think the guy's behaviour strange at all.
Perhaps it really is me who's strange, huh?

Nothing at all

I'm rather busy with school right now. Everything's going fine but I'm usually very tired after a school day, and though I can't call it bullying people are starting to act strangely when I'm around... mainly my class mates. They become nervous, perhaps even afraid, when I appear. They're not mean and I don't find their behaviour offending, nor do I mind being alone (I'm not very close to any of my class mates), I actually like it. What's troubling me is why they do this. I do have my theories but it still seems weird that they would change their behaviour so suddenly.

Slender... Man?

I just looked at Mary's latest blog entry. I followed her link and read everything.

So the Tall Man is actually called Slender Man and, apparently... created on Something Awful's forum? I guess this should come as a relief since now I know that he is simply that - a human creation, not some crazy demon from the depths of hell or whatever - which explains what I've been seeing as what I've thought it to be all along; hallucinations, just hallucinations. But my feelings right now are mixed. Of course I am a little relieved that I can now more easily regard my sights as figments of my imagination, as well as having a name on the stalker bastard.

The fact that I can't recall ever hearing about Slender Man still remains though. And... how should I explain this... while I don't get the feeling that I've heard/read about him anywhere else before, the first time I saw him clearly I wasn't surprised by his appearance. There was something oddly familiar with him that I can't quite put my finger on. Let me put it like this; whenever you meet a new person, someone you haven't even laid your eyes upon before, it takes a while for you to take everything in about them, everything from looks to personality. After a while you become "adjusted" to them. You've formed an opinion about them and feel more comfortable around them (even if you don't like the person in question you do at least, approximately, know what to expect from them). Well, when it comes to this Slender Man I can't really say that I feel comfortable whenever he appears or that I know what to expect from him (except for glaring at me), but I still hope you see my point.
Shortly put, it was like I knew him if only vaguely. If I believed in that kind of stuff I would have said that I had known him in another life, but I digress.

I guess I should read up more about this man-like creature. I've also noticed that I have received some more followers; I've only taken a quick glance at all the people, but they seem to be related to Slender Man in one way or another. I don't mind people following my blog since this isn't a private place after all, I'm hardly the kind to spew my heart out on a electronic journal, or anywhere else/to anyone else.

Now, I still find his random arrivals troublesome. I'm not as afraid any more but I'd rather not have him following me and disturbing my sleep, I'm all ready quite the insomniac. Increasing the dosage of my medicine didn't help, so what to do...

Dreaming about trees, again

I dreamt about trees again. I was walking through a forest, seemingly the same forest I've been dreaming about recently (don't ask me how I know, since every time I dream I seem to be in a different location in the forest, but I somehow know that it is the same forest).

I was making my journey on a path that looked very nice in the beginning, and it was obvious that it had been walked on frequently through the years, but gradually it became more and more overgrown. Towards the end of the dream the tall grass had completely taken over, no trace left of the path. I turned around to walk back since I didn't want to stray too far from the path, but I couldn't find it. I then became very paranoid in the dream, I recall myself thinking over and over, "The snakes are here! I must find the path!"...
The dream would probably have escalated into me getting bit by a snake - similar things have happened in the past - but I managed to force myself to wake up, so no harm there.

Maybe this should make me feel hesitant (even more so than I usually am) to go out in the forests, or going out at all, but for some reason there was something in the dream that made me feel drawn towards mother nature, so to speak. I've never had this feeling before, I've always been the type who've enjoyed being indoors rather than outdoors.

Trees

I haven't had anything to post concerning my notebook lately. I haven't had any reason to draw the hallucinations I've had recently, but this time I have a simple doodle to accompany my dream.

Well. The dream took place in this giant forest and in the middle of it, or so I assume, there was a tree that was much taller than any of the other trees in the forest. In front of it stood two trees in which a couple of birds lived in (in fact, there were plenty of birds in the other trees, but for some reason there was only one bird each in these two trees). One of them had a raven peering silently out of the tree's foliage, while the other one had a cockatiel (yeah, Roc seems to be influencing my dreams XD) in it, and it was rummaging through its tree quite violently.
Near the tree with the raven, there was a bunch of smaller trees, while near the tree with the cockatiel there were some slightly larger trees connected to the rest of the forest.

I don't have much to say about this dream. I just thought it was intriguing enough to share and, of course, my silly doodle doesn't do it much justice but still.

Another Library Visit

I've been on edge ever since my last blog entry, even if I haven't had any more hallucinations with the tall man. But, ever since I posted the notebook scribblings of my hallucinations, I've only had hallucinations of him. My head feels like a big mess.

Anyway. I went to the library today in order to do something that would put my mind off things such as the faceless man and Brian's disappearing (contrary to popular belief, I'm not as cold-hearted as I seem like sometimes). At first I was afraid that going to that place would only lead to me getting even more hallucinations since this was the first place in which I saw the faceless man in, but soon I became lost in the world of books.

So I decided to post some favourite quotes of mine, from none other than Franz Kafka~



"Association with human beings lures one into self-observation."

"Believing in progress does not mean believing that any progress has yet been made."

"By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."

"By imposing too great a responsibility, or rather, all responsibility, on yourself, you crush yourself."

"Hiding places there are innumerable, escape is only one, but possibilities of escape, again, are as many as hiding places."

"It is not necessary that you leave the house. Remain at your table and listen. Do not even listen, only wait. Do not even wait, be wholly still and alone. The world will present itself to you for its unmasking, it can do no other, in ecstasy it will writhe at your feet."

"It is often safer to be in chains than to be free."

"One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer."

"Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable."

"My "fear" is my substance, and probably the best part of me."